By Ayyan Shaikh
(Disclaimer: This article contains harsh language and swear words because I’m tired of being civil and it might sting some of you men apologists out there. So if you have a fragile ego, don’t read this!!)
It is time we start holding men accountable. It is time we stop dismissing the actions of men by calling the perpetrators “animals”. STOP calling them “animals” and “wehshy” and “jahil” and start referring to them by what they are; men. Using these terms is a way of detachment men use to show they are not like them, not like those “animals”. “Not all men”, they say. But who’s gonna point out which one of them for me when I got out alone? IF I’m ever allowed to go out alone after the recent incident that is.
TW // MENTIONS OF GANG-RAPE
Recently, a woman going to Gujranwala from Lahore along with her children was gang-raped at Lahore-Sialkot motorway after her car stalled due to a shortage of petrol. Two armed robbers broke down the window of the car and took her and the children to a nearby field on gunpoint and gang-raped her. They also took away cash, jewelry, and some other valuables from her.
Following the news, many people including public figures have come out to demand the public hanging of rapists. While the internet was busy asking for justice and being rightfully angry, CCPO Lahore, Omar Sheikh did the only thing he wasn’t being paid to do. He started victim-blaming by saying things such as “it’s her mistake for choosing the wrong route” and “should have checked petrol before leaving from Lahore” and went as far as to blame her for going out late at night. When are we going to stop deflecting the actual issue by victim-blaming? When are men going to hold other men accountable AND I’m talking about men and not “wehshi”. When is their gender going to be held accountable in this country? Women this, women that, policing women for the ways they breathe but when it comes to men raping women, suddenly they are animals? This is why they’re not punished!!! This is why the topic of rape is still a stigma in this country!!! BLAME THE GENDER WHEN IT SHOULD BE BLAMED!!!
Also, STOP saying not all men. Fuck you if you say not all men while someone is talking about their sexual assault/rape story. You saying “not all men” is not going to stop me from being scared of you because no one can deny the fact that women are not safe anywhere. YOU don’t have to walk in groups just so you don’t get abducted in broad daylight. YOU don’t have to bring a pocket knife or a pepper spray or learn self-defense just so you can walk freely anywhere anytime. YOU don’t have all those extra restrictions women have because they need to protect themselves. YOU are not scared every time you go out because someone out there cannot control themselves. YOU are not the one constantly being policed about your clothes and the way you walk and the way you sit and the way you breathe because it might arouse a random stranger. So shut the fuck up and let women complain because living in constant fear is tiring and exhausting.
I’m not saying men don’t get raped. I’m asking you to stop bringing up the topic of men getting raped ONLY when women talk about their struggles. I’m saying it because most of you don’t live in constant fear. Female rape cases are so common in a way that we have to change things in our everyday life to make sure we are safe. Men don’t. THIS is the difference. Women getting raped is a common occurrence at this point. Women are not safe in their houses, in their workplaces, in schools, in their cars, in their graves after death, so tell me where the fuck do we go and what the fuck do we do to stay safe. Because isn’t that what some of you are best at doing? Asking women to change this or that to keep themselves safe. “Cover yourself”, “bring a knife”, “don’t walk alone”, “don’t take this route”, “shouldn’t have said this to him”, “do this do that”. No, FUCK YOU. How about you control yourself? How about you don’t pass a remark at any woman that passes by? How about you start thinking of women as humans first and mothers, daughters, sisters second? How about you call that male friend of yours out for being a piece of trash? What happened to men being held accountable? Till men start being held accountable and till rapists are punished, it is going to be all men because none of you have “rapist” written on your forehead.
This is me ranting so let’s also talk about how the recent incident is not going to affect you, men, at all. Some of you will raise your voice and that’s good but it is the bare minimum. Some of you will forget about this after a few weeks until another case arises. But women? They are going to be the ones affected by this. They will have stricter curfews and more policing about how they should dress and how they should walk. WE are going to be the ones even more scared of YOU. The fear is always going to be there in our hearts. And no matter how much you sympathize with us, you will never understand the constant fear we live in. Some of you are so indifferent about this because it does not affect you. But please have empathy because rape ruins the victim’s life and I hope none of you go through this.
So, accept the fact that it is MEN that cause women this fear. NOT animals. NOT wehshy. MEN. And till I see proper accountability of men, don’t expect me to give you a free pass. Because I am genuinely scared and fearful. While you are not. This is what male privilege is. This is why it’s men, not animals.
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