Thoughts.

Random thoughts or me ranting???? I don’t really know but you might relate to this?? Also don’t know that.

Doing nothing makes me jittery. I cannot sit still and do nothing for a very long time because I’m used to moving around a lot. That doesn’t mean I’m productive. God no. It just means whenever I’m not doing something productive I am most probably either listening to the same song on loop for however long I want or using my phone. It annoys me because I can’t even go through my mid-life crisis without having back ground music and as much as I love music, the pain that earplugs cause to my ears really makes me reconsider this weird hobby of mine. Like can I please focus on one thing without having 10 tabs opened in my brain begging me to focus on them instead? Please I won’t beg I’ll just ask 29793 times instead.

I hate conflicts and fighting. As much as I love the thrill of the drama that comes with others fighting(keep in mind I do NOT cause these fights), I hate it when I have to argue with people I care about. Because then I get anxious and try to diffuse the situation by taking everything on myself and this is not good for me as a person. I do not want to take the blame for something that is very clearly not my fault but you gotta do what you gotta do for a moment of peace you know? I know this is bad and self-sacrificing and blah blah blah but if I have to pick between taking the blame and having my mom talk to me properly the next day or continue arguing and have my mom ignore me for the next three weeks with the house constantly on the edge, I know what I’m picking. It’s a no brainer for me really. Oh btw, if you haven’t already guessed it, my parents are desi/brown parents. Fun, I know :)).

(Image from here.)