By: Areebah Huq To all the boys I've loved before, Thank you for never loving me back. To the smartest guy in class, Remember all the 'oooos' when you changed you seat to sit beside me during class ? When we shared notes and were always partners in projects ? I always wrote poems on the back of my math copy, but how would you notice ? The Math problems were all you cared about. I liked you, a lot. I wouldn't have minded if you wanted to be partners in the science project, you didn't have to steal my ideas. I hope the A+ you got in that project helps you in life, I really do. I didn't like you for your grades, but because you made me feel important. You made me feel like someone needs me at at least one point in my life. And at that age, trust me, it was a very important feeling. It made me feel smart and though it was temporary, I can't deny that it was a heartwarming feeling. Wherever you are now, whatever project you're working on, I wish you all the success in the world. To the guy every girl friend zoned, I didn't. But you never noticed because you were too busy complaining about how that pretty girl called you her ' friend '. You and I used each other. The one class we had together was spent taking notes, you about how to get out of the friend zone and me, about realising that no matter how much you like someone you have to deal with the fact that you can't control their feelings. I wanted to help you get out of the friend zone, trust me, I did. I couldn't make you like me, but I could help you get the person you liked. It's the least I could do for someone who had such an everlasting effect on my life. I didn't like you based on the fact that I knew you would never like me, and that I would always admire you from afar. I liked you because of the outlook you had on life. You reeked of hope and more chances. I never once saw you lose hope about the fact that you were in the friend zone with the aforementioned girls. You complained a lot, yes, but you never lost hope. Maybe that's why I liked you so much, because your hopeful attitude made me feel like I had a chance too. Not just with you, but with life, with everything . And trust me, when someone feels like their whole world is crashing down, hope is the only thing that keeps them going. I never got to know if you got the girl of your dreams, but wherever you are, all the can say is, stay hopeful. It's your best quality, and maybe one day you will notice a girl who would like you for exactly that.
To my best friend,
I was always speechless when it came to you. I'm not going to say you're my everything, but you were a huge part of my everything. I always thought I was the Hermione to your Ron, turns out, I was always the Hermione to your Harry. I'm not going to ask you why you never liked me back because I know that some things just don't happen. When you first told me about the girl you liked, I wanted to hate her, I really did. But when I met her, I knew exactly why you liked her. The way you talked about her, didn't make my heart burn in envy after a while, it made me smile, thinking that my best friend had the best girl ever. I knew you couldn't deal with my emotional baggage as a lover more than you could as a friend. I knew that after my heartbreaking emotional tantrums you could always turn to her for a good laugh. I hope it always stays like that, I hope that whenever my inner demons are on the verge of unleashing yours, you always have someone who would make you believe in angels. You and I were very similar, but you didn’t need someone to gush over Harry Potter with you, you needed someone who would get into cute arguments with you about how The Heroes of Olympus is better. And you would always listen you her, because that's what you do when you're in love. And I would hear this the next day and say how cute you two are as a couple. And I would mean it. I understand now that you and I were supposed to be, but you and her, you two were meant to be. I liked you because you were always there. Because you never left no matter how bad things got. Because you showed me how it is to really love someone. How you could love someone at their best and their worst. I realised that you handled me at my worst, but you always always loved her. I am beyond glad to be the person who can be a part of all your happiness, even though I could never be the reason. And I genuinely wish you two all the best because you deserve all the happiness in that world.
So, thank you for never loving me. Because if you had, I would never have learned the real meaning of love. I would never have learnt that some people will make you feel special only to make you feel utterly worthless and then back to being special, all according to their needs. I would never have learned that it's never right to mix temporary feelings with like or love, because that would only lead to unnecessary confusion. I would never have realised that the only person who can make me feel special is me and that I never needed anyone to make me feel loved because I would've known in my heart that I always come first. I would never have learned that you can like someone and not have them like you back. But that does not mean that nobody ever will. I would never have learned that through all the one-sided loves and heartbreak the only hand we have to hold is that of hope. I would never have learned that life goes on and that no matter how much pain you have to endure, you can't hold on to it, you have to let it go. I wouldn't have learned that moving on is not as hard as it seems. And that the first person who loves me should always be me. I would never have learned that some people are better suited for each other, and no matter how much we want things to change, the Universe works according to itself and at one point, acceptance is the only choice we have left. I would never have learnt that although trust, respect and similarities are important, if two people don't love each other, then everything goes in vain. I learned that someone could support you in your worst times and still not fall for you. I would've never learned that love is something that just happens. It doesn't need to be fuelled by the sharing of notes, advices or years of knowing each other. If it's meant to be then it will happen and if it doesn't happen, then it's not meant to be. Thank you for never loving me, and thank you, for being in my life. If I could go back, I wouldn't change a thing, I would gladly endure the feeling of my heart literally breaking into two, because without that I wouldn't be who I am today.
But don't worry, you didn't make me lose faith in love, I'm still waiting for my Peter Kavinsky. I'm sure he's on his way with a crate of yoghurt.
Yours truly,
The girl who once loved you.
(Image from here.)
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